Another early-life crisis...

Great.

Wow, I suck. I haven't made an entry in over two months! I had intended to write something really profound tonight, but it's not happening. I'm thinking I'm gonna pop "Superman Returns" into the DVD player and drift off to sleep.

Brandon Routh rocks my world.

I'm no good at this.

Tomorrow is my last full day of work until my vacation starts. I'll go in on Saturday for a half-day and then I'm hitting the road -- off to Seattle!

I'll take lots of pictures.

Big ol' bitch.

I can be one.

But it's only because I demand progress (not perfection) and I expect others to follow suit. Be a part of the success or don't.

There will be success.

That's really all there is to it.

Every few months I like to go back and sift through old entries in my journal from the past few years... I've noticed that I've become negligent in writing. (Only one or two entries per month over the past few months.)

And I wonder why I'm a ticking time bomb.

I've been distracted lately. I'm preoccupied with other endeavors that have resurfaced after years of dormancy (and I'm absolutely thrilled). I had forgotten what it was like to feel like there's a direction when it comes to life. It's like I'm 20 again.

You know what I love about living in Pullman? OXYGEN! (The television channel, that is). We didn't get that channel in Clarkston. I haven't watched TV for more than two minutes at a time since I was a kid, but lately I've been glued to the tube. I'm now an avid Janice Dickinson fan. I think I had grown to discredit TV -- it's actually a source of culture (however misrepresented it just might be).

That's all I have for now. My eyelids are getting heavy.

The other day Rachel called me and said that an old friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in four years was in town and gave me her phone number.

Tonight I gave her a call and met her out on the deck at Red Lion Hotel, where we worked together years before. We talked about all of the old co-workers and hotel guests... many of which aren't even still alive (the guests, that is).

One coincidental thing is that she's living in Chicago these days, and I was just in Chicago in March! Hopefully I will be back out there again sometime next year for another class and she can show me the city. The couple of hours we had today were not enough to catch up.

She asked about Jimmie and I told her I hadn't seen him in a couple of months, so we called his cell number and invited him down. I didn't expect the number I had for him in my phone to be current after so long, but it was.

It was so weird (but very cool) for the three of us to be sitting there because it was literally over four years since we had all done that. It used to be a weekly thing... every Sunday after our shift we would get together to have lunch and unwind. Susan says she won't be back for a few more years, so I'm really glad that we all got the chance to reunite and talk about "the good ol' days".

I still have lots of pictures and notes that we all wrote to each other back when we were all working at the hotel. Susan and I discussed how that place gave us many memories and will always be our favorite job, even though we always ended the week wanting to find a new one. It was a defining time -- people came and people went, but a few of them left lasting impressions.

Dear Anya,

You're the second friend to move away in less than two weeks. Am I doing something wrong?

But really... I'm so happy for you. I'm happy that you're taking off and doing things beyond Pullman and McDonald's. I'm happy that you're going to meet new people and make new connections. They're going to love you (but not as much as I do).

I can honestly say that whether or not I'm on the right path in my own life, I'm grateful to have ended up in Pullman. There are many people here with whom I believe I was destined to collide, and you stand out as one of the greatest. You've been the perfect partner in crime.

(You know, I never gave you that Alanis CD. Maybe it's a good thing -- it will ensure that you return at some point.)

Be sure to talk me up to all of your new friends over there. I'll be visiting before too long! (Seattle will be in so much trouble with us on the loose.) Also, figure out some good places to play tennis and get some decent Thai food. We have so much unfinished business! At least we finally got to go get ice cream at Ferdinand's.

Well, my beautiful, kind, and generous friend, take care of yourself and let me know all about everything over there. Vanya and I will miss you.

All my love,
Billy

"you've already won me over in spite of me
and don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
i couldn't help it
it's all your fault."

Tonight I reread a card I received from my friend Ashley for about the 20th time.

It's funny because she left at the beginning of the week for boot camp in San Antonio, TX and I didn't get to say goodbye. (That's not the funny part.) What was funny was going to check my mail a few days later and finding a card from her that she had mailed before she left.

I've never thought of myself as being someone who impacts people. I know firsthand that life is all about the impressions that people make on us, but I've never really given much thought to what we impress upon others. I guess I never really thought that anything I've done/am doing is meaning much to anyone else. How rewarding it is to know that you've touched someone.

One of the first memories of her was when she called my cell phone a few years back in the middle of the night... "Bill! I need to talk to you! Can you please come talk to me?" I did. I went to her house at 2:00 in the morning and we sat on her doorstep and talked about what was on her mind.

Then we fast forward to now... picture it: The two of us walking down the streets of Moscow in our sunglasses like we're the new Paris and Nicole. Wow, there have been some changes since then (in both of us).

"Friendships don't end at the city limits sign.
You really have been amazing.
You listen to all of my problems and always seem to have an answer for me...
...I love you and I will miss you."

I love you and I'll miss you, too, Ashley.




Ms. Mexico and Mr. Domincan (inside joke)

I refuse to apologize for who I am.

I am happier now than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm far more comfortable with myself... physically, mentally, spiritually. These days I portray and embody the vision of myself that I had years ago.

To those from my past who scrunch up their noses and say, "You've changed." -- hell yes, I have. Now sit down, shut up, and hold on for the ride, because it's not over yet.

in short seconds you've been everything
my time consumed by butterflies
in quick minutes you've changed my views
my life consumed by realization

i want to get over it or be whisked away
my heart feels like it's sinking to my feet
and these songs aren't helping

in short hours you've become the epicenter
my time consumed by much pondering
in quick days you've become my everlasting smile
my life consumed by dreams

i want to get over it or be whisked away
my heart feels like it's sinking to my feet
and these songs aren't helping

for once i'm not back-turned
for once i'm open-hearted
for once i'm ready
and you're not
and you're not

in one short week you've been my bliss
my time consumed by wondering
in one short lifetime you've affected me
my time consumed by sleepless nights

i want to get over it or be whisked away
my heart feels like it's sinking to my feet
and these songs aren't helping

What a trip.
I took the Restaurant Operations Leadership Practices Course at Hamburger University (near Chicago) from March 27-31. I learned a lot, met some incredible people, and got a chance to have some fun.

I filled my camera's memory card with pictures throughout the trip. These are some of the highlights:

Hamburger University.


( Click here for the rest of the photos. )

"how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you"

I thought I had, but I guess not.

"the way i see it, he's dancing in heaven,
and he's sitting on a far off coast.
he's set in his ways,
and he's set on wide horizons.
i'll follow him,
he'll open my heart,
just like he opened my mind.
and i won't be ok until he calls me
to let me know that he's okay."

I didn't write this, but I feel like I did.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about the best friend I ever had.

One year, one hour, and a few minutes ago I received word that my friend Josh Phipps passed away in Seattle.

He taught me a lot. Mostly how to love and accept even if it didn't feel like I was getting it in return.

I miss you, you fabulous boy.

"i'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
the course of a lifetime
you'll never forget
i'll show you how to in eight easy steps
i'll show you how leaderships looks
when taught by the best"

I have a date.

Tomorrow is the first day of the Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival and we are going to be busy as hell at work. Naturally, I've set myself up to be miserable by spending most of today working out -- needless to say, I'm rather sore since I haven't gone to the gym or anything much since I moved to Pullman. Basically, I'm going to be a real peach at 5:00 a.m. when I go in to work tomorrow.

So... about my weekend. It was so much fun! I'm glad I was able to go out on Friday. I was determined to go have fun, even though my friends all bailed at the last minute. I went to The Beach in Moscow since they were having a drag show. I figured that since I went alone that I would be forced to mingle more, which I did. I made a couple new friends and had really nice time. (Jake was sure that everyone knew who I was -- "Look! This is Billy David!") I didn't drink much at all, either, so I'm glad to know I could have a good time without being sloshed like I usually am. I wish that this coming weekend could be like the last one, but I'll be working my ass off. Oh, well.

Denise and I are planning a trip to Spokane for a day so she can get a tattoo. This should happen in the first week of March. I'm glad she has invited me along because I haven't been to Spokane in awhile and it would be nice to do some shopping.

I should probably take a shower and go to bed. Not that I'll be able to sleep, though...

Today I saw everyone at home in Clarkston, as well as some old co-workers. (Lots of new developments and gossip that I can't really talk about here at this time.) I ran tons of errands, such as getting my car insurance switched to my new address and getting renter's insurance. I then picked up some more pictures from Walgreen's because I'm making a photo album out of some of the pictures I've taken over the past year or so. It's already about half full!

I'm in love with Green Day's record, American Idiot. I want to become a rock star just so I can go up on stage and sing the entire thing straight through. In other music related ramblings, I've also taken a liking (more like an obsession) to the latest Backstreet Boys single, "Just Want You To Know". What is it about perfectly crafted pop music that makes me so giddy?

I really need to clear out some of these empty beer bottles...

oh perilous place
walk backwards toward you
blink disbelieving eyes chilled to the bone
most visibly brave
no apprehended bloom
first to take this foot to virgin snow

i am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
i am a wunderkind
i live the envelope pushed far enough to believe this
i am a princess on the way to my throne
destined to serve
destined to roam

oh ominous place
spellbound and un-childproofed
my least favorite chill to bear alone

compatriots in place
they’d cringe if I told you
our best back pocket secret: our bond full blown

i am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
i am a wunderkind
i am a pioneer naïve enough to believe this
i am a princess on the way to my throne
destined to seek
destined to know

most beautiful place
reborn and blown off roof
my view: about face weather, great will be done

i am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
i am a wunderkind oh
i am a groundbreaker naïve enough to believe this
i am a princess on the way to my throne

i am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
i am a wunderkind
i am a joan of arc and smart enough to believe this
i am a princess on the way to my throne
destined to reign, destined to roam
destined to reign, destined to roam

-- Alanis Morissette